I Only Eat in Pairs
Jason grilled burgers for dinner last night and, as an extra treat, fried up some hand cut french fries. (We make less healthy eating choices when staring down the barrel of a global pandemic.) I had been on a conference call when the family began eating so by the time I helped myself to some fries what was left included the “dregs.”
They were still very good, however I had a disproportionate number of small pieces to enjoy. I’m very aware of this because I have an unusual habit when it comes to eating french fries. I sort them by size. At the beginning of a serving of fried potato goodness my approach is a bit haphazard. I generally don’t have space to fully assess each individual fry size. I eat the ones that seem largest first, but it’s not super scientific. As the numbers diminish, my method adapts.
Once I can see the entire field of fries, I pair them up by size and type. By type I mean those that are more potato-y go together and those that crispier and from the edge of the potato are paired up. If I have an odd number I’ll find one that can be broken in half to make it’s own pair.
I just re-read the last paragraph. Please send help.
I then proceed to eat them all in pairs. I should probably tell you that one of the reasons I do this is to make it easier to chew on both sides of my mouth evenly. I know. It just gets weirder.
As long as I’ve gone this far there’s no real reason to stop without making the full confession: I eat virtually everything in pairs. Preferably in pairs of pairs, so in fours, but I can handle it as long as there’s an even number. To clarify, this doesn’t apply to large items. I didn’t eat two hamburgers for dinner last night. I don’t have to have two apples at a time. But if the apples are sliced I darn well better get an even number of the slices.
Smaller items like m&ms, grapes, cheez-its, wheat thins (you get the idea) are simply better when eaten two by two. If I try hard enough I can probably make this biblical. Biblical or not, I’ve been doing this for as long as I can remember and it really does seem normal to me until I start explaining it to others. I won’t go into the full system, but when I eat m&ms there’s a whole color pattern situation that also comes into play. Does making this information public count as therapy?
In all seriousness, while this behavior does flirt with neurosis, it’s not a full blown compulsion. I can and do abandon my strange standards when circumstances dictate I must. Nonetheless I derive a great deal of comfort and satisfaction by indulging in this habit. I’m left asking myself, why is this so important to me?
When I dig a little deeper, I start to hit the root of the issue. Chaos makes me uncomfortable but rules, systems and order make me comfortable. When I apply rules, systems and order to the small things in life I feel more in control. I like to feel in control. I’m guessing I’m not alone.
If the last week has taught me nothing else it’s definitely shown me that I am NOT in control. Every day brings a new challenge, a new question I can’t answer, more meticulously laid plans that must be changed or canceled. It’s exhausting. You know that already.
No amount of eating french fries in pairs is going to make this uncomfortable feeling go away. (This doesn’t mean I won’t be stress eating copious amounts of them in the coming days.)
What does bring me peace, however, is the truth that God is with me. None of this surprises Him and in Him I have no fear. I’m not trying to oversimplify what is in fact a very complicated set of circumstances, but as I navigate all the unknowns I’m grateful for the peace that only God can bring.
#confessionsofanotsolaidbackmom #coronavirus #pandemic #intotheunknown
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
-Joshua 1:9
